The Humble Way: An Antidote to Fear
A pilgrim walks the road to a holy city. His feet are covered in dust, his legs are tired, and his shoulders sore from the weight upon his back. The way leads uphill now, and the going gets tough. But he doesn’t stop. He knows that when he reaches the holy city, he will have rest of body, mind, and soul.
A pilgrim on a journey
A song of ascents. Of David.
My heart is not proud, LORD, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me.
But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content.
Israel, put your hope in the LORD both now and forevermore.
Psalm 131
I love this Psalm of David. It was written as a song to be sung by pilgrims walking the road to Jerusalem. I understood this better after walking the West Highland Way, when sometimes a song on the lips is all that keeps you moving one foot in front of the other.
But why am I writing of pilgrims and pride? The truth is, many of us live our lives in fear, which can result in puffing ourselves up out of insecurity and inadvertently hurting others in the process.
In this post I want to share a realisation I had on the link between fear and pride, and the antidote that humility brings to these.
The Link Between Fear and Pride
I’m going to level with you: I often boast when I fear rejection. It’s a pattern I’ve noticed recently and it makes me squirm to think about it. But there it is. As a child I was all too familiar with being shouldered out of the circle and not having a partner in line. It left me feeling like I needed to prove myself worthy of acceptance.
And so now, even as an adult with many wonderful friendships, I sometimes find myself slipping back into this mindset.
“To be accepted, I need to make myself seem talented/interesting/funny.”
And then I go overboard and suddenly realise I’ve been talking about nothing but myself for five minutes. Ouch.
I don’t want to be that kind of friend.
Of course there is nothing wrong with sharing our wins and hopefully our friends will want to hear them. But there is a difference between sharing of ourselves out of a joyful overflow versus fear of rejection. It’s all about motivation.
The Danger of a Proud and Fearful Mindset
So besides a social faux pas (boasting is extremely frowned upon in the West of Scotland where I live), what is the real harm in a proud, fear-based mindset?
The main impact is on relationships.
Let’s take a couple who have recently started dating. If one partner fears the other will reject them, they may be tempted to big themselves up in an effort to impress. They’re desperate to show that they’re “good enough” for the one they admire.
In the process however, they - perhaps quite innocently - forget to take a genuine interest in getting to know their partner better. It is no surprise then, when their partner feels emotionally neglected and chooses to end the relationship. Ironically, this relationship breakdown may become fuel for the belief that others view them as inadequate…and future relationship dysfunction.
Pride and insecurity are two sides of the same coin. Both are grown in the soil of fear.
Humility as an Antidote to Fear
Ah. Our controversial friend humility. Let’s get the misconceptions out the way, shall we?
Humility is not being a doormat.
Humility is not humiliation.
And humility is not giving up who we were made to be for the sake of a “greater calling.”
Do not imagine that if you meet a really humble man he will be what most people call 'humble' nowadays: he will not be a sort of greasy, smarmy person, who is always telling you that, of course, he is nobody.
Probably all you will think about him is that he seemed a cheerful, intelligent chap who took a real interest in what you said to him.
If you do dislike him it will be because you feel a little envious of anyone who seems to enjoy life so easily. He will not be thinking about humility: he will not be thinking about himself at all.C.S Lewis
Humility is the practice of settling the heart into the knowledge that you are unconditionally loved and accepted. Held in this awareness, the desire to impress or strive fades away. Do you remember the Psalm?
But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content.
Humility says that it is okay to be little in this world. No one begrudges a child for a carefree attitude cultivated out of quiet trust that their parents will provide for them.
The great deep blue of the ocean
There is a reason you feel at peace when looking up at a star flung sky, or out to the great deep blue of the ocean. It is because doing so humbles you. And in that humility, the knowing that you aren’t (and don’t need to be) in control of everything, you can finally find peace.
Instead of relying on yourself and taking pride in self-sufficiency, you can choose to put your hope in the Lord God Almighty, who loves and cares for you.
