You Don’t Actually Find It Hard To Say No. Here’s Why.

Why It Seems Hard To Say “No”

So, as I’m sure you know, overwhelm and stress can come from saying “yes” to too many things. 

Perhaps a wise friend has told you that “You need to learn to “just say no”, if you want to be happier and calmer.”

But how? 

It can be a frustrating piece of advice, because “no” feels like a negative word - and no wonder.

It’s emotive. Emotional. And hard to move past easily. 

At a subconscious level, many of us likely associate the word “no” with not receiving what we wanted as children.

Perhaps it was for our own good to be told “no” by our caregivers. Nonetheless, in the moment it was associated with negativity - a shake of the head.

Perhaps a frown. 

And we don’t want to be like that to other people. 

We feel that if we say no, we will be viewed in a negative light - disliked.

Or even rejected. 

Let me offer you an alternative perspective.

You are actually very good at saying “No”

After all, you say “no” all the time - to yourself. 

What do I mean by that?

What I mean is that, whenever you say “yes” to others’ demands of you, you are saying “no” to yourself. 

In saying yes to another night out or having an evening taken by yet another phone call, you are saying no to taking time to look after yourself.

Time to fill your cup with wellbeing. Time to say yes in a different way. 

The truth is, you’re not beholden to others’ expectations of you. (Yes, even when it feels like it.)

That’s not to say you should never help someone even when you don’t feel like it. 

It’s to say you shouldn’t feel pressured into giving out beyond your means. 

Perhaps it’s a tired metaphor but it’s so true I can’t help but to mention it -

You can’t give someone else water out of an empty glass. First, you need to fill the glass.

Only then can you give - out of the overflow. 

Saying “No” by Campbell McGrath

No sir, absolutely not, sorry, but no.

Not sorry, actually—just no.

Keep it simple, plain vanilla: nope.

Not happening. Big en, big oh.

No way, no how.

Negative, nuh-uh, ixnay, nyet.

No no, no no.

No-no-no-no-no-no-no.

Not likely, not likely. Maybe,

but I doubt it.

Possibly, conceivably, in theory.

Uh-huh, mm-hmm . . .

Well, yeah, sure, O.K., why not,

oh definitely, yes,

wow, I mean anything,

anything at all, when can we begin?

Perhaps the above poem is your internal dialogue whenever someone asks you to do something you desperately don’t want to…

Well, next time - stop at “no”.